Mental Illness Protip

Mental Illness Protip

When I say I have bipolar

by all means, ask which kind.

Thank you for actually thinking and not

just dismissing me.

but protip:

When I answer “Type two"

do not say “Ok, that’s ok then."

because I’ll think-

what does that mean?

Ok because I’m not crazy?

Not full brown manic?

just type two?

Or ok because

it’s ‘easier’ to live with

as if the stigma’s not the same

the shame’s not the same

the inability to control 

my heart

is not the same?

It’s ok because I’m not suffering

not compared to

others?

It’s ok because

"it’s not so bad"

not so bad that I rapid cycle

don’t know what dawn brings

not so bad.

It’s ok.

Protip: If that’s what you have to say

about the thing

that rules me

chains me down

sends me through

deep water

dark fire

that leaves me out of breath

shake-sobbing

that throws me from cliffs

into a phoenix flight

I’d rather

you not say anything at all.

Phoenix Flight

Phoenix Flight

The phoenix flight is

a dance with no end

ash to flame

flame to ash

so goes my heart.

I am trapped within 

a cyclone of feathers

made of match heads

then drowning on ashes

clogging my throat

I cannot help the dance

the flight.

But the ashes don’t last.

Just as from the minute

I take wing I know

I will fall,

when I am a broken bird

my fire doused

dying

I know

I will burst into flame

and into the sky.

Flame nor ash will last

but my phoenix song

my phoenix flight

it will.

I am darker than a moonless night

grey-black and falling

and then reborn

brighter than the sun.